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The Tris McCall Report

Critics Poll 2006 -- Miscellaneous Categories

Brad put Ys tops on his poll. Most of the rest of you did not.

I'm going to try my best not to turn the miscellany rundown into the Joanna Newsom Hour. That said, if you can't bear to read another word about the most celebrated harpist since Apollo (the God), you may want to jump around a bit. Hey, they're your votes, people.

One small piece of context before we start: the gender balance on this Poll has not always been aces. We were doing this for four years before we got our first ballot from somebody without a Y chromosome. These days, we're not so gynophobic, and 55 of the 143 ballots cast in '06 were from women. One thing I have noticed, though, is that the girls and the boys vote very differently -- and this year, the disparities were more dramatic than ever. For instance, while Joanna Newsom recieved 176 points in the Poll, not a single one of them came from a girl. Somehow, I find this unsurprising. Okay, let's get on with it:

 

Best Album Title

All you scatologists out there really let me down: Final Fantasy's He Poos Clouds only recieved one vote. Instead, voters plumped for whimsical and vaguely woodsy titles that I don't understand at all, like Fox Confessor Brings The Flood and The Trials Of Van Occupanther. Mission of Burma's cute The Obliterati was a favorite, too, as was The Dolls's awkward-but-hopeful One Day It Will Please Us To Remember Even This. John Gleason preferred something more concrete and referential: he voted for Sam's Town, and admitted that it was one of his favorite casinos. Jens Carstensen voted for Donuts, which was, beyond the shadow of a doubt, the most Jens-y title of the year. But the winner by a country mile was Yo La Tengo's feisty I Am Not Afraid Of You And I Will Kick Your Ass. I guess we're feeling a little more defiant after the elections; still, it strikes me as artless. Hunter Harris submitted my favorite -- Orchestra Of Bubbles, by Ellen Allien. Now, there's a handle after my twee little heart.

 

Best Album Cover

Or, let the games begin. The guys loved Benjamin Vierling's busy, detailed portrait of Joanna Newsom, but the girls hated it -- and several wrote in just to slam it. Andi Kelleher called it "an Elfquest cover" (that's a problem?!?); for Ilana Mayor, it was "the gayest album art since Air Supply." I'm looking at my copy of Ys right now, and I really don't understand the fuss. It's certainly no more absurd, or annoyingly stylized, than the airbrushed shot of Laura Cantrell on the cover of When The Roses Bloom Again. Give Newsom credit for reminding voters that album art is consequential -- there were very few "what's an album cover?" comments this year. Value-added services were much appreciated: many liked the stickers that came with The Information and the hologram on the front of Idlewild. Voters noticed trends, too -- "Geez", wrote Kerry Kennedy, "if I see any more album art featuring trees, I will..."

 

Most Welcome Surprise

Many of you were pleasantly shocked at older dudes who could still dial it up, so to speak. Mike Cimicata evinced surprise at "the vitality and relevance of The New York Dolls", Cheap Trick's comeback got its nominations; others were surprised by Surprise (I wasn't). The new and overhauled Stills got five nods in this category, but two of them came from me and Steve -- and that really feels more like a single vote, since we discussed Without Feathers so much this year. As usual, Jim Testa took a more philosophical approach, and voted for the resurgence of New Brunswick's underground music scene. Guess I ought to take a trip down to Hub City and check it out for myself. But the winner in this category -- by two votes over Man Man -- was Midlake, a band I'd never heard of before 2006. I'll leave it to Jeff Ciprioni to explain: "Their first album is, how to say it, not good. The Trials Of Van Occupanther is a Bonds-ian leap forward. Somebody get a urine sample from these guys."

 

Biggest Disappointment

Joanna Newsom, in a walk. I'm looking through your old ballots, and I can see that almost nobody who voted for The Milk-Eyed Mender two years ago had Ys in their Top Ten. Support for Newsom's second album came from a few diehards and Poll newcomers. Whatever she did in '04 that endeared her to so many of you, she isn't doing it anymore. Other popular choices in this category: The Flaming Lips, The Raconteurs, The Decemberists. I don't want to lay the sports discourse on too thick, because I know that some of you guys have lives, but Tom Snow's hoops-drunk assessment of The Crane Wife is just too accurate not to pull-quote: "In 2007, The Decemberists were like a talented but underachieving basketball team coming off a tough loss in a big game, and whose next game is against a team they should beat easily. In a low-scoring, poorly-played game marred by horrible free-throw shooting and many foul-outs, they manage to squeak out the victory, but they leave you worried about how they're going to fare come tourney-time." (First-round and out, the way they're going.) Then there's Stephen Mejias, whose Biggest Disappointment was "Carlos Beltran taking strike three". Ah, but that was a wicked yellowhammer Adam Wainwright dropped on him. Okay, back to the music, back to the music!

 

Worst Song Of The Year

"I'm disqualifying 'Fergalicious'", explains Steve Carlson, "because making fun of Fergie nowadays makes me feel small and a little ashamed, like I just picked on a retarded kid or something". Others weren't so squeamish, and called out "Fergalicious" and (especially) "London Bridge". "Our Country", John Cougar's ham-fisted Middle American anthem, drew ire too. But the biggest loser was James Blunt -- "You're Beautiful" appeared on nine ballots, and Daniel Powter's "Bad Day", which is scientifically indistinguishable from "You're Beautiful", turned up on five more. I'm not sure I hear the distinction between Blunt's music and the rest of the adult-contemporary stuff and fake folk that's currently passing for alt-rock on Pitchfork and elsewhere, but that's just me. Me and Zach Lipez, whose pain I feel: "I imagine", said Zach, "that it was by someone with a beard."

 

Best Singer

I was thrilled to see Jaymay nominated on seven ballots. This year she was our runner-up; I can only imagine how well she'll do after her full-length drops in '07. The winner by three votes was Jenny Lewis -- though even those who named her didn't seem all that enthusiastic about it. Voters mentioned that she'd shown improvement, or was trying hard, or just sounded so winsome that they couldn't help typing her name. Dan Purcell, who did not vote for Lewis, nonetheless caught the sentiment in his comments: "How charming was that record? They always tell you to smile and look people in the eye when you meet them. Rabbit Fur Coat is basically the equivalent of a fresh-baked platter of biscuits." Nearly everybody who cast a vote in the Best Backing Vocals category named The Watson Twins. "Who are they?", asked Vrinda Patel, "and can I marry them?" Only in certain states, Vrinda.

 

Best Rapper

Two (?!) votes for Tris McCall, which is strange, and somewhat terrifying. There was also a vote cast in this category for Keith Olbermann, which might be the most inexplicable reply I've gotten in seventeen years of doing this Poll. But for the first time this decade, I recieved many replies in this category. Hipsters are paying attention to rap music again, and not just to the "conscious" artists. Several voters did opt to nominate environmentalist Kool Keith, weary leftist Boots, and even reluctant corporatist Lupe Fiasco. But Ghostface Killah took the top spot with a record 20 votes, and, well, nobody votes for Ghost on the basis of his radio singles. You guys must have been hitting the Fishscale hard, or maybe just "Shakey Dog". Best yet, for the first year ever, I didn't get any complaints about how g-rappers had stolen the genre from young black revolutionary poets. Good job, folks; next, I'd like to see some votes for Malice and Pusha T. Again, it was Hunter Harris with my favorite answer, in the form of production assistance for Texas producers: "most songs this year that had a verse with Bun B should have just had Bun's verse".

 

Song That Got Stuck In Your Head The Most

"Crazy". Must be Cee-Lo's whiny-ass vocal tone; that and the rubberband bass.

 

Artist You Don't Know, But You Know You Should

Yup, this one too; those of you who weren't busy writing about Ys's difficulty were berating yourselves for ignoring it. People treated Joanna Newsom's follow-up like a homework assignment, which is, I guess, the risk you run when you play a music teacher's instrument. Bill Chappell voted for Newsom last year; this year he called her the "Artist most respected by people I respect, but that I just don't get". (She wasn't alone in this voter-submitted category: several people wrote in to say that the appeal of TV On The Radio was lost on them.) Poll respondents treated Ys like an endless, boring novel to be gotten through for the sake of personal enrichment, which is a terrible shame, since there are moments of pure joy on that album. My year-long flogging session on The Mother, The Mechanic & The Path netted some results: a few people named The Early November. Incidentally, Jens voted for himself in this category. I found this philosophically compelling, especially since Zach called him the artist who'd still be putting out good records in 2016.

 

Album That Felt Most Like An Obligation To Get Through and Song/Album That Should've Been Shorter

Ys. Okay, people, let's talk.

There are five songs on this album, and none of them is shorter than seven and a half minutes. That said, they're all pretty well-built; they all have several recursive sections, verses, releases, hooky parts that pass for choruses. She's not stingy with her melodies, either: they're all hummable, or at least whistle-able. Harp and strings aside, Ys is not classical music. In fact, the songwriting on this album shares more formal features with the twisted Appalachian neo-folk of The Milk-Eyed Mender than it does with Mozart, or Satie, or Disney soundtracks. So if you liked The Milk-Eyed Mender, you probably ought to try a little harder with Ys, and disregard the hyperbolic reviews that are making it seem like this is music from Jupiter. A twentysomething girl breaks up with one guy and gets together with another; in between, she comes home and has some kind of intense, revelatory experience with her sister. That's about all there is to it. Of course, she renders it all in elegant verse, and sings it in that chipmunk's voice of hers while she's putting on a virtuoso performance on her harp. At 16:53, "Only Skin" does go on. I think she could have shaved a good ten minutes off of it, and not harmed the piece at all. But she's been adamant in interviews that she couldn't imagine editing these stories down. So if this is how she needs to present her reflections to us, I figure I ought to be thankful to her for her generosity. just as I'm thankful to J.K. Rowling for rambling on about blast-ended skrewts and distant Weasley relations in the later Harry Potter books. It's not like everything she's giving us is essential -- but it is so lovingly-detailed and artfully-realized that it deserves to be lingered over. Are we in such a hurry to leave the universe she's created for us? Hell, it's not like she's asking us to sit through eight-minute guitar solos.

 

Song That Would Drive You Craziest On Infinite Repeat

No clear consensus, but some very good replies. Anna Howe voted for "Save Room", and indicated that she wouldn't even need a second go-through. "If I had a machine gun", she said, "John Legend would be dead".Kat Krieger voted for "SOS", Oliver Lyons for "Fergielicious", and Steve tapped "Wind It Up", which is probably the correct answer. Any dance song with yodelling in it is probably best used as part of an interrogation technique. For the first time, several Decemberists songs were named in this category: "The Perfect Crime", "When The War Came", "Sons And Daughters". I don't know if they really deserve the opprobrium, but I know where you guys are coming from: in his old age, Colin Meloy's songwriting is getting more reiterative. As an aside, The Decemberists also beat out Fergie, Britney Spears and Craig Finn (bite your tongues!) for the Most Unsexy people in pop music. I guess 2006 was the first time anybody got a clear look at them; I mean, they're not any better-looking now than they were back in the Castaways & Cutouts days.

 

Most Overrated

"Anyone from England wearing a beanie and who has a beard", answered Oliver Lyons. Voters were hard on beard-os in '06; Doug Martsch got his first votes ever in this category, as did Will Oldham, and even Matisyahu, whose beard is (ostensibly) not an affectation. TV On The Radio aren't exactly bearded, but they do have strange facial hair configurations, and thus they drew fire. Right now, if Hilary were readding over my shoulder as I write, she'd encourage me to make a joke about Joanna Newsom being a beard. But I don't believe that at all; Newsom is too smart for that. The popular favorites were four clean-shaven kids from Sheffield: the much-maligned Arctic Monkeys. It's been twelve years since Definitely Maybe, and Americans are still suspicious of the new Britrock.

 

Most Thoroughly-Botched Production Job

A few voters nominated the latest Flaming Lips in this category, but we had a runaway winner here. Take it away, Dan Purcell: "John Agnello for Boys And Girls In America. When you have the most distinctive frontman in rock music, why make a record that diminishes and homogenizes him?"

 

Hoary Old Bastard Who Should Spare Us All And Retire

"Dare I say Dylan?", asked Michael Rotenberg-Schwartz. Sure, why not, Michael?; plenty of others did. Amber From Seattle voted for "75% of the United States Senate", but if that were to happen, I'm afraid we'd have to lose Frank Lautenberg. Robin van Maarth walked in ready for a fight: "If anybody says anything about David Johanssen then they forgot about Bono and they should be killed and I want their street addresses so I can take care of that." (Don't mess with the NYC legends, voters.) Bono beat Johanssen in this category by a score of four to zero, so Robin can call off the dogs. But there's no stopping the man who this category was designed for, waaay back in 1988. Still The Same: Great Rock Classics Of Our Time earned Rod Stewart his fifth HOB title in seventeen years, and astomach-pump-shaped lifetime achievement award as the Ultimate Hoary Old Bastard.

 

Young Upstart Who Should Be Sent Down To The Minors For More Seasoning

Efrain Calderon spoke for many when he voted for the Arctic Monkeys, adding "replace 'sent down to the minors' with 'sent back to high school detention'". Others went after the widely-loathed Wolfmother, though Billy Gray just wanted them to go away. Conor Oberst continues to get his votes in this category, even though he's no longer young or much of an upstart; also, the invasion of fresh young British webtalent (Lily Allen and Lady Sovereign) appears to be grating against your sensibilities, too. For Brian Block of Greensboro, North Carolina, it's "still Nellie McKay. But hey: she's got talent, and minor league games are the only ones I'm in a position to attend".

 

Trends for 2007 (in your words):

Bradley Skaught: Acid barbershop quartets.

Jens Thuro Carstensen: Live shows at libraries.

Jeff Ciprioni: Soft rock.

Zach Lipez: AA. It's the new NA.

Efrain Calderon: More genres within rock than you can shake a stick at... resulting in the demise of rock as a true genre.

Omar Velez: The rise of Rx Bandits -- the best band you've never heard of.

Brian Block: Political songs perfectly timed to have no effect on an election year, from people who were apolitical through 2004.

Jonathan Andrew: Previously-unknown Richie Furay sound-alikes take the blogosphere by storm.

Paula Carino: Even more crappy tuneless boring Will Oldham wannabees... please stop....

Milton: No groove drummers, players that don't listen, listeners that don't play.

Jeff Jotz: Rap gets respectable again.

Wes from Liberated Matter: Hyphy.

Lori Key: Ableton Live 6 warping.

Wendy Raffel: Goth country.

Oliver Lyons: The return of misogynistic, ultra-violent, homophobic gangsta-rap in Kidz Bop form.

Steve Carlson: Considering three of the first albums I've heard from this year have been grind albums, I think we're gonna see a whole slew of grind bands coming into their own. Also, the Black Eyed Peas will continue to refuse to go away.

Ben Krieger: Musicians utilizing newfound promotional tools for surprisingly boring, predictable, over-crowded career paths.

Kat Krieger: Songs produced by Timbaland (I hope, Kat.)

Christopher Amann: That My Chemical Romance/Panic! At The Disco/The Killers nonsense, including their moustaches.

Matt Hyams: Continuation of 8th note-driven rock.

Robin Marie van Maarth: More re-warmed punk action. Sweet.

Bill Chappell: Disney-fication of pop music.

Tom Snow: Hipster children's music. You know you're in trouble when Steve Burns gets referred to as an "indie musician" in The New York Times.

Jim Testa: myspace.com replacing traditional websites.

David Urbano: mog.com.

Hank Kalet: Acoustic alternative.

Mitchell Manzella: The live CD/DVD combo release.

Sara from Montclair: Third-rate indie hipster.

Steven Matrick: Lo-fi dance rock.

Jon Robb: Shitty dance-punk turns into full-fledged disco.

Shaun Towey: Folk.

Brad Krumholz: Many people will play the ukulele.

Sam McDonald: Use of the oud in pop hits.

Stephen Mejias: Soca.

Michael Liska: People moving to Pennsylvania.

Joey Bullock: Metal's comeback.

Martin McClellan: Mainstream embracing of Nordic God-worshipping metal, a la The Sword, with a high-ranking hit by a black metal band that embraces the Klingon mythology instead of the gods of Asgard (a la Portland's Stovokor).

Marisol Fuentes: More songs about Dungeons and Dragons! Including but not limited to: concept albums about the Monster Manual and The Order Of The Stick, and a cycle of nine releases based on the nine D&D Alignments. And an album about Gary Gygax. Basically a lot of music about D&D. Get to work, everybody.

Dan Purcell: What am I, Kreskin?

 

Additional comments and assorted additional smart-assed questions:

Paula Carino: There were so many good albums this ear -- I loved 2006 for its glorious music.

Jay Braun: I didn't really listen to much music in 2006.

Marisol Fuentes: I believe that 2007 will be the year that we drop the cool bit and finally acknowledge that Dungeons & Dragons has been the only good thing about the past three decades, and that everything good about this period (Spiderweb Software, HTML, The Wu-Tang Clan, Bill Clinton) was made possible by Dungeons & Dragons, and that everything bad about this period (everything else) can be traced back to those people who made that anti-D&D movie "Mazes And Monsters".

Angela Delgado (on Shearwater's Palo Santo): I know just what you're going to say. You're going to say that you don't understand the lyrics. I don't either. But remember -- it's not whether it makes sense, it's whether it makes resonance.

Zach Lipez: (on The Hold Steady) It's about rock critics being convinced that their adolescence was something mythical and interesting. If the Robitussin wasn't enough to convince you that you were having a good time, some album 15 years after the fact will just have to do. I should mention that none of this is The Hold Steady's fault. Fine band. The articles written about them were some of the worst music writing of the past 20 years.

Dan Purcell: This has been going on for years, but I would like to object formally to the dickhead move of insisting, at the conclusion of your record-sleeve thank-you list, that your record be played loud, or was specifically recorded to be played at maximum volume, or some similar shit. This does not make you sound “hard,” clowns. In the first place, your record is almost certainly mastered so far into the red that it will sound like garbage regardless of the volume at which I play it. I realize amplification is the best way to camouflage the fact that you forgot to write any songs, but still.

Jens Thuro Carstensen: I mentioned the awarding of the "Snake On A Plane", in honor of the artist who, in today's 24-hour critical consensus-booth that is the modern "blogosphere" (yuck), manages most neatly to go from nobodies to the "It" band to complete has-beens in the same calendar year. I elect Tapes 'N' Tapes... the recipients of the first-ever "Snake On A Plane".

Martin McClellan: I still want a category for best re-discovery. Mine for 2006: Black Sea by XTC.

Tom Snow (on Best use of a non-traditional instrument): This category will soon be named for Joanna Newsom. Like Larry Bird said before the 3-point contest in 1986, which one of y'all is going to come in second?

Brian Block: Biggest disappointment -- New U.S. Senate's lack of awareness that the President needs their approval to go to war.

Joey Bullock: Artist most lacking quality control: Built To Spill.

Lori Key: Please don't be put off by my many entries for Madonna. I understand your views on her, but she and Stuart Price are putting out top-notch, engaging pop music that is as fun to dance to as it is to mull over ther lyrics.

Efrain Calderon: This year was great for the jocks and frat boys, who got to enjoy a Disturbed album, a new Tool record (complete with quasi-mystical packaging), The Strokes, and Wolfmother to stick between their post-Barret Pink Floyd collection and the latest (Burned copy) of the Black Eyed Peas.

County Executive Tom DeGise: Antje Duvekot was a real find, and she'll be around to follow for a long time. Hope to bring her to Brennan soon!

Michela Fossa: Best album of 2007 -- We Know About The Need, by Bracken.

Milton: I have discovered very late that I have a much older man's love of rhythm and blues as elements in popular song; i.e., swing, groove, funk, soul. I like a pocket. I like reflexive hand clapping. In contemporary music since about 1990, hip-hop is the only place I can get any of that to my liking, but I'm so overwhelmed by my own ignorance that I don't know where to start.

Dan Purcell (on Everything Wrong Is Imaginary by Lilys): Everybody’s always dissed and underrated Kurt Heasley for being a ripoff artist. Well, does this really sound like anything you’ve heard before? (Okay, yeah—sort of like 40% Ultra Vivid Scene, 20% Archers of Loaf, a huge quantity of off-label prescription medication, and Scott Miller’s guitar tone from Lolita Nation.) It’s all over the place -- tentative rockish come-ons, sing-along pop inscrutability, doomed piano-spiked mumblings, Sansabelt-clad retirement-community lounge-disco -- and yet it coheres completely. I am amazed that I haven’t seen it on anyone else’s top-ten list; I don’t think it got a single vote in that new Jackin’ Pop poll. The melodies are all memorable; since I bought it, every song on the record has been my favorite at one point or another. It all sounds equally wasted and psyched about it, like the guy at the party who says, “It was a good decision to eat that acid!”

Meredith Conway: (on Clipse): Hell Hath No Fury is a classic. Whitey loves a classic.

Kerry Kennedy: Worst Album Cover and Worst Album Title -- TV On The Radio: Return To Cookie Mountain (WTF?)

Jon Robb: Biggest thing I realized in 2006: I like hearing drummers who don't use their hi-hats (Keith Moon, Mitch Mitchell, et. al.) It's a style of drumming I really miss.

Tom Snow: Weirdest sellout -- Stephen Merritt selling "Chicken With Its Head Cut Off" for a dog food commercial. I understand that he carries around that teacup poodle or whatever for affect, so maybe that had something to do with it. Actually, now that I think of it, "Chicken With Its Head Cut Off" is actually an appropriate title for a dog food ad.

Steve Carlson: Listening to "Crazy" is like sticking a crack pipe in your ear. "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" is all the stupid bombastic tendencies of modern emo inflated into an ugly, inescapable goulash. And I couldn't stop humming the fucking thing.

Ben Krieger: Album that felt most like an obligation to get through -- my next CD.

George Pasles: Album that felt most like an obligation to get through -- my current CD.

David Nagler: With Beck being an out-of-the-closet Scientologist singing songs having extraterrestrial overtones in the lyrics, does that officially make him an "outsider artist"?

Bradley Skaught: I do feel like the folks in Waterson-Carthy deserve some kind of crazy lifetime achievment award for having never really made a bad album (okay, maybe Eliza made a bad one or two.) And the latest one is probably one of their best as well. The "new folk" thing is fun, but god bless the kings and queens.

Jeff Ciprioni: The Midlake album is willfully full of anachronism and other weirdness, but perfectly so. More records this year could have benefitted from being a little less obvious, actually. Like The Decemberists and Belle & Sebastian.

Zach Lipez: I work the door at Sin-e now. I really wish you and yours could see just how bad Pediatric Rock has gotten. Because of Sufjan Stevens, The Walkmen, The Decemberists, Dirty on Purpose, and countless other critics' bands, every motherfucker who was born and put on this earth to be a pediatrician or tax attorney or whatever the fuck IS NOW IN A BAND. Smart, sensitive, literate, sucky, sucky bands. Because of this, there is a lot of bad music and colicky babies on the horizon.

Jonathan Andrew: I found myself listening to albums just as intently as ever, if not more so, due to the prevailing trend of people telling me "I hardly even listen to albums anymore, just songs." Screw iPod nation. The LP lives on in this rockaholic's heart.

*************

Thank you all for the fantastic commentary. You guys are aces.

 

Check out last year's miscellany:

The album results await you here:

The singles results and essay are over here:

My own ballot gets posted tomorrow:

On Friday, it's all about the final word, which I've got, of course:

 

Critics poll winners over the years:

 

And though it may be madness, I will take to the grave your precious long e-mail.